How is your kitty feeling today?

A couple of months ago I decided to go on anti-depressants. I tried my best to weigh the pro's and con's. I've always heard horror stories about them and how terrible it can be to wean yourself off of them. But I knew if I didn't do something that would be the end of the road for me.

I thought about dying constantly at least once a day...everyday. I thought about rolling my car when I was on the highway. I thought about drinking cleaning fluid. I thought about hanging myself from anything that resembled a noose.

It finally clicked "Hey Megan, those aren't normal thoughts to be having!" So I went to my family doctor. I told him how I felt and how often I thought about ending my life. He started me on medication I started out on the lowest dose you could get which I think was like 70mgs. I was looking forward to feeling better. And in a few weeks I did feel a lot better. I was a completely different person. I was loving life again.

But I know I could have chosen another path. A path that I have seen people take before. If you've never dealt with depression then you don't know how terrible you can feel about yourself and everything else in your life. Truthfully, all you want to do is feel better and you think suicide is the answer.

I've talked to several people about going on anti-depressants. My advice is weight he options it can really help you to get through the after math of a very traumatic event. Maybe you don't know why you are feeling the way you are. You feel guilty because you think "Hey my life isn't that bad. I have a lot to be thankful for. So why do I feel so empty inside?" I don't recommend going on medication and not figuring out why you are feeling the way you are. Try to change things in your life, stop feeling sorry for yourself! Get out there and live your life because no one else is going to do it for you sweet heart. You have to take care of yourself. Because if you don't believe that people won't miss you when you're gone. They will. Trust me.

Pee stories

So I was working last night at my lovely new factory job when I realized I had to use the washroom. Clearly nothing alarming there. But it triggered my memory to a dream I had had the night before. I was sitting on a lazy-boy in our living room and I just couldn't stop peeing. But this isn't taking place at night its during the day. So I'm pissing everywhere in front of all the people in the house. I was just relieved that when I woke up I was sitting in a puddle.

Which makes me move on to my next story. As you get older your body starts to stop working and some people's bodies work better than others. Well apparently my Nanny has a problem in which she should be wearing depends but only wheres a panty-liner. Well I guess she likes to how shall I put this "Be free" at night and go commando. Now that she lives at my mothers this causes a problem because my Moms friend went to the bathroom and got a wet foot. That's right urine on her pant leg! And while I thought it wasn't that funny when my Mom told me about it weeks ago. I find it hilarious now. Unfortunate but hilarious!

So in closing I would like to ask. What do old people smell like? Answer: Depends.

Robbing of innocence

For many of you it is no secret that as a child I was molested by a family friend. It is something I have struggled with for a long time. I never knew why I felt so different from other people. I just wanted to fit in with everyone else and be 'normal'. As much as I tried to bottle it up it backfired on me when I was visiting Scotland with my boyfriend. I was crying hysterically. I had no idea what was wrong with me. But I did know that something was very wrong.

I called Kids Help Phone and found a counselor in the area. I know that in many ways she has saved my life. I continued with counseling until I went to College. After a series of very traumatic events. A car accident, my Dad dying and my Nan dying. I got worse. I never knew how rock bottom felt until then. Every single day I thought about killing myself. I missed my Dad and Nan so much and there was nothing I could do to feel better. Finally I decided it was time to take some action. I went to my family doctor and he prescribed me anti-depressants and I went back to counseling.

Its been months now since I have been completely off the medication. Of course everyone has their good and bad days. But I had to realize that just because I had a bad day didn't mean I had to end it. I am now attending group sessions and it has been one of the best decisions of my life. All of these women are so courageous. But really we all are because we are not victims no we are SURVIVORS! Which might sound a bit cliche but really its the truth.

I am sad to say that in a few short weeks these sessions are going to be over. I will definitely miss all of the ladies that have shared their stories and views. It has been great to find out that you are not alone.